Moral Marketing Really Works

INT. TEENAGE MARKETING FOCUS GROUP ROOM -- DAY
------------------------------------------------------
A well-dressed advertising executive sits at a conference table, intently staring at his laptop computer, working on something that we do not see. A woman walks into the room.

WOMAN:
Sir, the kids for the test with the Motion Picture Association of America are here.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
How long is it until the MPAA people arrive?

WOMAN:
A few minutes sir.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Don't let them in here until I give you the OK. Send the kids in. After they've been in here for a couple minutes send in the hypnotist.

WOMAN:
Got it.

Two teenagers walk into the room. By their body language it is obvious that they are dating.

TEENAGE BOY:
Can we have our money now, man?

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
In a few moments. I'd like to ask you a couple of questions first.

TEENAGER GIRL:
Okay.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
First of all, how do you guys feel about abstinence?

TEENAGE BOY:
Are you kidding? Why just today, and yesterday, and the day before....

TEENAGE GIRL:
Shut up!

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Hm, I take that as a no. Well then, how do you feel about saying no to drugs?

TEENAGE GIRL:
Do you mean like, right before I take a test? I don't like doing anything before a test. I have a 4.0 GPA.

TEENAGE BOY:
When my parents are home?

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Uh, right. Let's move on...

A man walks through the door. This is the hypnotist.

HYPNOTIST:
I'm ready, sir.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Fantastic! Now kids, as we agreed, this man is going to speak with you for awhile before we show you some advertisements.

TEENAGE GIRL:
Okay.

TEENAGE BOY:
Yeah, whatever. Can we have our money yet?

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
After he's done, you can.

TEENAGE BOY (sighs):
Alright.

HYPNOTIST:
Ok. I want you both to look at this amulet. Watch it swing back and forth. You are getting very sleepy....

The hypnotist proceeds to hypnotize the two teenagers.

HYPNOTIST:
Now, until I say the word "defenestrate", you will agree with everything this man here says.

TEENAGERS (In unison, spaced out):
Ooookaaaaay.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
I'm going to show you a series of advertisements. You will change your opinion and agree with whatever the advertisement is telling you to do, no matter how ridiculous or inpractical it may seem to you. Okay?

TEENAGERS:
Oooookaaaaay.

The executive pushes a button on his computer and the teenagers are shown a video about abstinence.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Now, what did we learn from that kids?

TEENAGERS:
Sex is baaaaaaad. Unless you are maaaaaarrriiiieeeeed. In a chuuuuuuurch.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Fantastic! Now, the next one.

The executive plays the teenagers an anti-drug add.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
How about this one?

TEENAGERS:
Juuust saaaay nooooooo. Druuuugs aaaareeee baaaad. If weeee smoke pot or drink alchohol one tiiiiime, we will becoooome heroin addiiiiiicts...... look at our braiiiins oooooon druuuuuuugs......

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Very good! And also remember kids, stealing is bad. Any kind of stealing is bad.

TEENAGERS:
Caaaaaaan weeeee haaaave ooouuuuur moooneey noooow pleeaaaaase?

ADVERTISING EXEUCTIVE:
Yes, here you go.

The executive hands the kids what looks to be a fairly large amount of money, and then hits a button on his phone.

ADVERISING EXECUTIVE:
Mary? Please send in the people from the MPAA.

A man walks through the door.

MAN:
I am here to see how effective the new advertising campaign you have created for us is. These are the test subjects I presume?

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
That's correct. If everyone is ready, I will show the video now.

The executive plays the video. It looks like something out of an MTV music video. It opens with "Would you steal from.." in text and shows a series of images with teenagers stealing items from various stores. A music store. A book store. An electronics store. Then, "No, because that would be wrong. And you will go to jail." appears on the screen. Next we see "What about these?" which is follwed by a series of scenes from very famous movies. Finally we see "Downloading is stealing. Piracy is illegal." on the screen.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
You don't want to download any movies now, do you kids?

TEENAGE BOY:
Is that for real? We can actually download movies for free, like MP3s?

TEENAGE GIRL:
Cool! How do we do it?

TEENAGE BOY:
I bet we can search for how to do it.

TEENAGE GIRL:
Oh there's so much stuff I want to see. Let's get some right after we leave!

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Wait! I thought that...

TEENAGE BOY:
What, we actually believed in abstinence and just say no after talking to that guy? Are you nuts? You adults are so full of it. Thanks for the tip about getting movies for free though.

TEENAGE GIRL:
Let's spend our money on some blank DVDs!

The two teenagers leave the room.

MAN:
What guy? This man here?

HYPNOTIST:
Yes sir, I am, uhm, a hypnotist.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE (screams):
A very good one too. Get out of here!

The hypnotist leaves the room.

MAN:
Well clearly this isn't effective.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
Well, don't you need something to at least appear like you are sending a message? Do you have any better idea of what can get through to these kids?

MAN:
Unfortunately no. We'll take it. We'll play it during the ten minutes of commercials before the previews start at all the megaplexes across the country.

ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE:
The ones people are paying ten dollars to get into?

MAN:
Right.