The Ten Most Overhyped or Overpraised Movies of 2005

In No Particular Order:

Memoirs of a Geisha
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Rob Marshall would be a really good IMAX movie director, I think. The movie certainly looks pretty. However, he clearly cannot handle actors, or develop any kind of interesting story. This movie is bad on so many levels... a weak plot, absolutely horrendous acting, synchronized broken Japanese-speaking-English accents that will make you cringe... and a "Cinderella" story that glorifies the the journey of a girl who becomes so good at selling herself for money that she ends up with the man she fell in love at first sight with when she was... nine years old! Doesn't anybody feel slightly offended by this kind of thing? The movie is just terrible. And it is too bad that Ziyi Zhang had to be in it, because I've liked her in every single other movie I've ever seen her in.

Cinderella Man
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How many times have I seen this movie before (and it's not even a remake) ? 10? 20? 1,000? Can the movie industry please do something better than the "person down, coming back against all odds" story? Emotional resonance is good, but completely vapid and recycled emotional resonance is not. But this is exactly the sort of thing the Awards circuit goes for, and had it been released later in the year, you'd probably be looking at your Best Picture.

Oh, and I really hate Renee Zellwegger. Retire. Please.

North Country
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Please do not waste my time releasing this in the theatre, making me think it might have something, when it really should be a low-grade Lifetime Movie Network special. This is the awards bait movies to end all awards bait movies. Plus this movie seems to indicate that the entire sexual harassment problem has been solved through the actions of this lone, brave woman (Charlize Theron, trying very hard to win another oscar). It is not. It is, also, another one of Hollywood's "person down on their luck, wins against all odds" movies that just irritate me.

Sin City
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This movie is placed fairly high on the IMDB top 250 right now. It has probably the absolute worst dialogue in any movie I've seen in a very long time. And it tries to be so cool (look, black and white shots with partial bits of color. Look at what an auteur director I am!) when it really isn't that I just can't buy it. However it is based on a very popular comic book author's story, Frank Miller, so it just *has* to be good in the minds of some people I suppose.

Star Wars Episode III
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Considering how well the first two prequels went, I can't say that I was too disappointed by this movie because I was expecting it to be bad. But this movie contained the moment that all of us had been waiting for years: how did Anakin become Darth Vader.

Well.. after seeing the movie I don't quite understand it myself. Anakin goes from wanting to kill the emperor and screaming "I HATE YOU!" to bowing before him and saying "yes master" in less than two minutes of screen time. There is no sustained plunge into darkness like I had been expecting. Just a cheap plot device.... he must become evil to save the one he loves! And ends up killing her in the end.

Also, let's not forget the cheesiest quote of the year. Darth Vader is revealed in his suit for the first time. Evil Incarnate. The biggest badass in movie history. What is the first thing he says? "Where is Padme?" Upon learning of her death, his reaction? "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Why did you have to do this to your fans, George?

Mrs. Henderson Presents
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I don't have much to say about this one because it's just not really worth talking about. The first half is your typical stale British comedy with humor that falls completely flat. Then about halfway through, the movie turns completely on its heels and turns into a cheesy melodrama about the survival of the theatre which the lead character (Mrs. Henderson, Judi Dench playing herself in yet another movie) must save the theatre despite the bombings going on in London during World War II. It even has your classic movie turning point: the theatre is about to be closed down, Judi Dench gives your standard and cheesy inspirational speech about the joy the theatre brings, and obviously the crowd cheers, everyone changes their mind, and all is well in the end. Give her the Oscar ladies and Gentlemen!

Transamerica
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I just do not understand the good reviews that this movie is getting. It can't decide if it wants to be a really campy comedy, or a cheesy melodrama. While I do like comedy and drama mixed in movies, when it's done well it results in some of my very favorites, it simply does not work here. And Felicity Huffman's voice is just terrible in the movie. Finally, let's not forget the terrible over-used cliche found in the troubled drug-using body-selling character which is her son.

War of the Worlds
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A plea to Steven Spielberg: Please stop making science fiction movies! And please stop casting Tom Cruise in them! Besides the fact that this movie completely misses the point of the original story, being the insignificance in the universe of humanity, it just HAS to include the daughter-in-danger subplot and the dead-beat-dad who redeems himself in the end subplot. Plus I'm not even going to talk about the ending. Spielberg shouldn't be allowed to work on the last 30 minutes of any of his movies anymore (Munich is an exception to this). I can't even count the movies that were going fairly well and got absolutely demolished by a nice soft, cushy happy-for-all ending. The worst example of this that I can think of is "Minority Report", but this is pretty bad as well.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
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I had such high expectations for this movie. Another Tim Buton and Johnny Depp movie? I've loved their collaborations in the past. And an adaptation of one of my favorite books from childhood that would stick closer to the actual book and not turn it into a ridiculous musical like Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? I was hyped. But then Johnny Depp, for whatever reason, decided to channel Michael Jackson as his inspiration for Willa Wonka. It just doesn't work out well at all.

Me and You and Everyone We Know
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This movie appears on many critics top 10 lists this year. I think they are trying desperately to include something on their list that isn't on many people's radar so that they can seem smart. This movie tries SO, SO hard to be a little quirky indie film but it just wasn't. It wasn't funny, it wasn't poignant, it was just really bland and boring and a waste of my time.